We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
