and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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