I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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