Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
