I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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