I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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