I swear she didn't look like that last week.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize