I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
