there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Are we still banned from the library?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
