U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize