I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
