I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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