Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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