just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
