i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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