Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
