she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
