Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
