Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
