I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
