i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
