he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
