Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
