Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Someone stole a lamp last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
