Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize