Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
