Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
