wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
