I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
