I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
