He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Enjoy the penises
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize