Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
