**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I pour the whiskey from now on
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
