Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
