No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
my liver is dry heaving
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
