barbara walters just said penis...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize