I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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