the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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