Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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