Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
