Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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