Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
