So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
