i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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