Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
