as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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