they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize