I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
