if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
