Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
