the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
