My liver just broke up with me...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
