I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
