Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
