no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
