he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
