Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
