Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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