So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
