I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
