Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
