It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
