Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
