i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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