Im at strip club and am horny
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
