i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
