I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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