I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My balls are so social today.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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