sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
