bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
