I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
