i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
