How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
