i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just pee around me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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