You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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