6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
