I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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