I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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