this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
