Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Your tits are I can't wait for
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
