I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
