You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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