hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
