after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
