Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
