hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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