is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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