that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
