Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
